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One year ago, I graduated from high school. Before I did that, I spent a month in limbo: my two academic classes were AP and I’d already taken the exams. However, attendance was still being taken. In my English class, we were actually still doing some work. We were reading Hamlet and working on a research paper (I did mine on Ophelia — that’s all I can remember about that project). My double-period Calculus class, though, was a complete waste of time. I sat in a corner and devoured books while everyone around me was playing cards. Once that got old, the teacher took us into a computer lab (it was air-conditioned) where he was able to secure a TV with a DVD player. Students were encouraged to bring in DVDs to watch.

I brought in Pi (one of the best movies ever). By the time the film had ended, my teacher was looking at me like I was insane. “You rented this movie just because you saw PI on the cover,” he accused. I smiled sweetly and said, “No, Mr. Levine… This is one of my favorite movies.” His response? “You always gotta watch out for the quiet ones.”

The “best years of my life” occurred in Mr. Levine’s room in the B wing of the first floor during my senior year. I learned Calculus — and I learned it well. I laughed when he told anecdotes about his teenaged children. I chuckled as he poked fun of the students. I looked on in disbelief as he trained my fellow classmates to act as designated (dependent upon the situation and the people involved)… on cue. (If you look at my notes from that class — which I still have somewhere — you will see a crude picture of a stick-monkey I drew. Captioned: TRAINED MONKEYS!) I cried when I failed a test and he was mean to me about it. I made a friend in that class. (What’s sad is that this was quite a herculean feat on my part.)

I saw Mr. Levine today at my sister’s graduation. However, he didn’t see me. I didn’t come up to him. While I respect him as a teacher, he still scares me as a person. He’s about twice my size and he’s got the kind of voice that would never require any kind of amplification. Still… I hope he knows I enjoyed those daily double doses of Calculus with him.

And now, the Staten Island Advance presents to you… the list of this year’s 855 graduates. Freakin’ insane.

A week or two ago, I watched an interesting show on the Discovery Health channel. It was titled 14 Children and Pregnant Again! A couple from Arkansas has apparently decided that they will “let God dictate the size of [their] family.”

Um… There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s see. The Duggar family shuns contraceptives. Apparently, they are not part of God’s plan — whatever the hell that entails. However, they feel perfectly content using their “two washers and three dryers” for laundering purposes. They have no qualms about riding in their “bus that seats 24,” or utilizing their 15-passenger van for “smaller trips.” They use electricity — after all, they spend $1,500 on food every month. Where are they going to store it all? Ah, perhaps in their industrial-sized refrigerator and their two deep freezers. Living in Arkansas, I would assume they need to use heat and air-conditioning every once in a while.

Absolutely no problems using any of these modern marvels. Contraceptives, however, are evil. God did not want people to use contraceptives — He wanted people to reproduce like rabbits and use up a lot of natural resources. I guess that was His plan… and the Duggar family seems to agree.

The few modern marvels — besides condoms — which they do not employ are those that would possibly distract their children from their morning prayers: computers, televisions, and radios. The poor children dress alike (according to the mother: “We also feel that dressing alike unifies us.”), the girls are not allowed to cut their hair, and none of the teenaged children are allowed to date. In fact, they are home-schooled (”We feel it’s the best way to teach our Christian values. Above all, we want to inspire our children to turn their hearts toward God.”) so they have little contact with the outside world. Oh, wait, no… They do have ties within their small-knit, closed-minded community. (They “live in a part of the country where many people share [their] beliefs.”)

These children do not know a world outside their home. They will grow up thinking that women are mere baby-producing machines… while the men go to work and come home for “Bible study with Daddy.”

Granted, the children are very pacific. When a small child cries, he does not do it for long: an older “buddy” is able to mollify him. When they go shopping, the kids stick by their mother’s side instead of running crazily down the aisles. (I don’t know about you, but that used to be my favorite part about grocery shopping.) At home, they all had chores which they carried out. (In fact, I think they enjoyed them. It made them feel responsible… or some crazy thing like that.) They are ideal children. This would all be fine and dandy if we did not live in the 21st century. This family belongs in the 1800s… which is why it scares me when Michelle Duggar writes that her husband is involved in local politics: “He served in our state legislature for four years and last year ran unsuccessfully in the U.S. Senate primary.”

Let’s hope that he doesn’t have any success in that area. According to another article, Jim Bob is “a conservative Republican who cares only about stopping abortions.” Not only that… but he “wasn’t involved in politics until Bill Clinton was elected president in 1992. ‘I saw how things were,’ he says.”

Hold me, I’m scared.

Um. Who can tell me what’s more exciting than riding your bike… only to find out that OH, CRAP! Your handlebar stem has come loose!

Yeah. There ain’t nothin’ like it… I had to walk my bike back home. (Luckily, I hadn’t gotten too far away yet. And, y’know, didn’t fall or anything like that.)

Today, I received the last of my grades… (I’ve been out of school for almost a month already.)

Accounting 1: B
Programming in C: A
Calculus 1: A+
Core 1 (Classics): A-
Core 10 (Philosophy): A

Semester GPA: 3.69
Cumulative GPA: 3.73

I could’ve done better… but I didn’t. So I guess I’m satisfied.

On Wednesday morning, I woke up with an agenda: I was going to take my bike out. I was going to figure out where I could ride it… and see how far I can go without wanting to just fall over. Imagine my surprise when I found the back tire to be completely flat. Turns out, the last person to ride my bike — my sister’s boyfriend — ran over glass without realizing it. Since I haven’t been on a bike in over two years, I have no bicyle repair kits just lying around my house…

However, I was completely set on riding. Diana (sister) called her friend, Max, and asked if he has a bike I could borrow. Once we figured out how we were going to get the bike (the back seats on the Maxima fold down, making just enough room for one bike), we went to Max’s house. At first, he was going to lend me his bike. However, it was rattling and making weird sounds. So he took out his uncle’s bike. I sat on it and it was comfortable. So Diana and I rode off to Bloomingdale Park.

I’ve never been to this park. I’ve always known where it was but never had any reason to go. There are bike paths all throughout the area — as well as plenty of benches in case one gets tired from all the cycling. There are also grassy sports fields of all kinds — with sprinkler systems. Those are awfully refreshing to run through…

Anyway. My sister and I probably spent about 2 hours on our bikes. It was a great experience. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I’d be. (I was bright red and sweating, though, just as I’d expected. Oh, but, hey… It was over 90°F.)

Fast forward to today afternoon. I had been itching to get back on a bike. Since my tire’s still puncture, I take my sister’s bike. I increase the height of the seat and I set off. But, wait… It’s making a strange clanking noise. And what is this? It’s so light, feels as if it’ll just fall apart under me. OK, now what? Oh, I’m too big for the bike…

Honda HR-260FS Mountain Bike
Photo by Allie

My bike is the same size as my sister’s: a dual- suspension mountain bike with 24″ wheels. There is no way in hell I’ll ever be able to ride on my bike again. Not after I’d experienced Max’s uncle’s bike — which was an Ironman Aluminum bike with 26″ wheels. So after much deliberation, I’d decided I needed a new bike. I’ve always wanted a healthy hobby — especially since it doesn’t look like I’m going to be working this summer. So I finally went to Toys Я Us, where I had to decide between a Rhino Outreach and a Honda HR-260FS. They were going for the same price ($80 each) so I figured, Eh, what the hell. The Honda bike seemed sportier… so I bought it.

Yay, I have a new bike!