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Back in February, I purchased a book on learning C#. At the time, I bought it because… well, just because. After all, a girl can’t have too many programming books. However, it turns out that it’s actually going to come in handy, as I recently landed a programming position. This is my first job in the field! I am quite excited. However, I am also afraid.

My internship last semester taught me a lot. However, the project on which I worked was a side project. No one really cared whether it got done or not. At my new job, everything I do matters. There are budgets, there are deadlines, there are customers. (I’m working for a consulting firm specializing in mobile technology.) This is why I am so afraid: I am terrified of disappointing my superiors. I don’t want to let anyone down. This probably stems from my low self-esteem. I never have any faith in myself. So instead of attempting to learn C# 2005 and public-key cryptography, I am procrastinating. I’m already convinced that I’m doomed to fail. So instead of trying and failing, I’m just not trying.

Of course, I’m going to sit down with my book(s) & my laptop and learn the material that needs to be learned. In fact, it’s probably going to be very easy for me. However, it’s in my nature to put things off until they just can’t be put off any longer. I am going to try to change that, though. Tomorrow, I will study the code that I was sent and try to understand the concept behind asymmetric cryptography.