There’s beauty in breakdown.

Due to technical difficulties, I had to start anew with WordPress. All of my previous posts and pages are now gone. However, I’ve learned to take a Buddhist approach to life.

According to the teachings of Buddhism, pain and suffering have roots in our desires for material possessions, power, and so on. Therefore, to reduce the amount of pain I experience, I no longer mourn the losses of my material possessions should I lose them accidentally.

For example, I recently wiped out my entire OS and, instead of freaking out and crying over the loss of information, I chose to let go. When I upgraded my iPhone‘s OS, I lost all of my data and I didn’t even flinch. So losing a couple years of thoughts and musings isn’t as big a deal as it would have been just a few years prior.

…This is why I now keep all of my important files on my 2GB flashdrive. At least it doesn’t have an OS that I can wipe out.

I don’t know exactly when my approach to life changed in this way. I remember being a very panic-ridden individual, being incredibly prone to anxiety attacks caused by stress. (I’m also a migraine sufferer, with headaches usually arising from stress. Needless to say, stress was a stressor in and of itself.) Sometime in high school, I think, is when I learned that when things are out of my control, I can’t do anything about it. If a teacher sprung a pop quiz on us and I wasn’t prepared, I no longer panicked. What would be the point? I would just be raising my blood pressure and making myself crazy. Meanwhile, the teacher would still hand out the quiz and I’d fail it anyway.

This isn’t to say that I’m stress-free these days. As a graduate student, I can’t escape stress. I have homework assignments, I have projects, I have papers. And then I have to worry about being able to pay for all of this stress! I’m slowly crawling into a $30,000 debt, hoping I’ll be able to dig my way out while keeping my dignity. (But with this economy, who can be sure?)

In the meantime, I’m taking deep breaths and learning to let go.

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