Just keep swimming
I’ve always been incredibly undecided when it comes to the question of having children.
On the one hand, I’d love to have a child. It seems like life would be almost incomplete without having at least one. I mean, watching a mini-me (well, a mini-us) grow and learn and just generally live life seems incredibly fulfilling. My life (and the life of my spouse) would be changed forever.
On the other hand, I don’t want my life to change! I’m not a hedonist or particularly selfish but I want to be able to spend my time and money in ways that I want to spend them. I’m working really hard to build a life for myself with which I can be happy — forever. Bringing a child into my life will change everything.
This morning, however, Alex and I came to the decision that, when we’re ready for a child (as we will most likely one at least one baby by the time we’re 30 years old), we’ll adopt one. There are several reasons for it. The most important is my possible infertility due to my having Kallmann syndrome. Doctors, though, have told me that I have a good chance of conceiving a child with fertility drugs. However, fertility treatments usually lead to multiple births… and I am not interested in raising several children all at once.
The other reason, which is actually probably more important in the grand scheme of things, is the fact that there are thousands (if not millions) of children in the world who need good parents and loving homes. Why should I struggle to conceive one child (and possibly end up with several children) when I can adopt a child or two and really change his/her/their lives?
If there’s one thing I’m worried about with the adoption route is my family being supportive of my decision. I know that I’ve always considered adoption as an option when thinking about my future — even before I was diagnosed with Kallmann syndrome at 18 years of age. I’ve discussed this with my mother and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. However, she probably thought I was going to grow up and grow out of the idea. However, the older I get, the more plausible I seem to find the idea of adoption. I can only hope that everyone in my family — and everyone in Alex’s family — can understand our reasoning behind this decision and love our child just as they would any other blood-related relative.
But this is all in the future. I need to focus on the present, like school and work and my upcoming vacation. (Alex and I have decided to go to Amsterdam this summer. We’re leaving on August 17th and coming back on August 25th!) The rest will fall into place on its own, yes?
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Comments
I understand your thoughts on this. My wife and I are 25, 26 and we still do not have children of our own. Like you say, it would be nice, but then again we do so many things that are difficult enought just owning two large dogs, let alone a child. You can’t leave your child in a closed off room for 5-6 hours when you want to go do something.
And over population. I’m always talking about that. So many kids out there that need a home, why not raise one of them instead of creating a new one. I will want to have my own children, but I fully support your decision as well. Your more brave than I.
Posted by: Clint | June 20th, 2009 11:54
“If there’s one thing I’m worried about with the adoption route is my family being supportive of my decision.”
A natural feeling. My parents learned of our adoption when they came over for Thanksgiving in 2003 and we presented them with their new grandson who had arrived from China the day before. I just never could figure out how to tell them and so eventually the facts spoke for themselves.
“I’m working really hard to build a life for myself with which I can be happy — forever.”
Ahhh, but life does surprise us, no matter how much we plan…
Posted by: Beth | June 30th, 2009 12:06
@Clint: We’ll see what actually happens when I decide that I want a child. When I last talked with my mother about this, she urged me to try getting pregnant before considering adoption. (“Otherwise,” she said, “you’ll be picking a child — which is kind of selfish.”) I’ve always been told that no one is ever ready for children, no matter how much planning one puts into it. It’s just a matter of wanting children.
@Beth: Wow. Way to warm up your parents to the idea of a new grandchild. But I guess there’s nothing better than presenting them with a kid. Who doesn’t love children!? And I totally understand what you mean. I think I just need to think about whether I really want children — the hows and whens will take care of themselves.
Posted by: Allie | July 2nd, 2009 10:25